Monday, June 8, 2009
Went to Buffalo New York this weekend
I just got back from Buffalo NY. I went to see a friend that I have know since I was little and I haven't seen her in 5 years. She currently is in the orthodontic program in school. No Buffalo New York is not were I lived. I lived on Long Island which is a completely different world. I went to Buffalo to visit this friend that is getting a divorce and a lot of stuff that she has found out that hurts and he anniversary to this guy is this Wednesday which made her sad. I won't get into all the personal details but it was him and not her. I am not just saying that as a friend but it truly was him who was the issue. But any way I went down there and I felt like I was facing my obstacles. I love my dad to death (god rest his soul) but I try not to think about the time he died or his time living in this house in hospice because for obvious reasons it brings me down and gets me upset. My friend Keri who I visited has not seen me since my dad's passing which like I said previously I saw her last 5 years ago and on June 23 it will be 2 years since my dad has been gone. I knew it would be hard but boy was it a lot harder. The first thing when I walk in the door her eyes wheeled up with tears and she said where is your dad. She knows that he was gone but it became a reality for her because when I saw her she saw him too and I would see he mom. Then I started to tear up it was hard. She wanted to hear the details from beginning to end and I felt like I had to re live it all over. It was really difficult. I pushed through and then we talked about her husband or soon to be ex and she is just devastated. She is 27 years old and she hates to say she is divorced at such a young age but like I told her she tried to work it out and he just gave up and threw in the towel and there was nothing for her to do. The problem is she was up set down and depressed and I was not sure if I wanted to drive 4 almost 5 hours to visit her because she has done things in the past that hurt. When we were young we meet through figure skating and she we were really close. We would make plans to hang out and on occasion her friends would call her up about a party and she would ditch me to go to the party and I had to call my mom to pick me up. Now she would ask if I wanted to go but I didn't want to go with a group of her friends and her friends were kind of snotty and stuck up and I was not like that. They went to a private school and parents had a lot of money and they thought they were better and that was not my crowed of people so I wouldn't go. But we made plans first so I thought as a true friend you would be there but I just would get over it. Then as we got older when I was getting married I invested her to my wedding and she made a comment not just like this but the her point was made that she was not going to go unless she stood up in the wedding. I did that for her. My wedding was in August and in June right before my shower she said she couldn't go because she just got into dental school and didn't have the money. I felt like another slap in my face but she went to the shower my mom threw in NY. I had my wedding and no card no call or nothing. I am not even asking for a gift just that you acknowledge that we got married and that you congratulate us. Then I talked to her 2 other times after the wedding and then I didn't here from her for 2 years not on my behalf. I call her 2 months after my fathers passing to tell her and she tells me that she is married out of no where. Well I was a little hurt that I didn't know about it but she said at the time it was a little wedding in the back yard with close friends and family. I let that go. I have talked to here in these 2 years maybe 5 times and I call her most of those times. She called me in April 2 months after she went to a lawyer for the divorce to tell me what was going on. Then I kept calling her after to ask if she would like me to come out and visit and be there for her in the difficult time. I would leave messages and not hear from her for a while then she would call and say that day doesn't work. So my point is this Thursday she calls me to visit this weekend which is so last minute because she needs a friend and is stressed about all that is going on. I debated whether for go out or not with as you can see her track record. I talked to my mom and my other friend to see what they would do. Point of story I decided to go out there because I knew I would feel bad if I didn't and let her down. I find out that she had a elegant wedding with 130 people and 7 people on each side stand up and it was at a nice place and I wasn't even invited. I told her she told me it was in her back yard she swears up and down that she didn't tell me that but I know she did or that would have swayed my decision to go and visit because I would have said ask one of your better friends to go out there but I didn't say anything when she told me and it bothered me the whole rest of the weekend. Not only that but when we would talk she couldn't even put down her black berry and was on her computer I Ming her friends that by the way did stand up in her wedding to talk about her problems with divorce as she is talking to me. I thought that was so rude. We had fun over all but I feel so played and stupid. If I would have know I would never have gone out there.I know she still doesn't know that I am mad and I am contemplating if I should tell her or not how I feel. She kept telling me when I left thank you so much for coming you are one of my best friends but I think that is crap sorry to be harsh but I would never treat my friends as she had done. I just wanted to get some feed back on the situation. I don't know if I was right to keep my mouth shut to avoid confrontation or to tell her how I feel and get it off my chest. I guess I am just hurt and feel stupid. Sorry this is off the topic of adoption but I don't have anything going on with that. I am just frustrated and wished things where different. All I want is a friend that will treat me the way they want to be treated. I try to do that with people and I feel like I am the one that gives to much and must expect to much. All I ask from her is to put down the black berry and the computer and focus on that I came all the way out to her by my self to be there for her and I was missing my husband the whole time and wish in ways that I would have stayed home and I wouldn't have to feel this angry toward her but I probably would have felt bad that I let her down not knowing all this other stuff. I don't know I am just mad and frustrated with people.