Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day!

I just wanted to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day in Heaven. I miss you dad. This week is suppose to be a hard week but I am going to try to make it happy. Today is Father's Day so of course I think of my dad who I don't have. I also think of my husband Tim. I was trying to make today a happy day by keeping myself busy all day. it is 7:43 pm and I finally slowed down. I cleaned the house today and cut the grass then groceries and then went to Blockbuster on the way home to rent a happy go luck movie "Yes Man". It was good. It is not the greatest movie ever or anything but it put a smile on my face when I watched it with Tim and that is all I was asking for. Now getting to my issue with Tim I get home and we go to watch the movie and she said he was a little down today. I never hear him say that. I think that is because he is always trying to be strong for me but he saw I was happy go lucky so I think he thought I could handle what he was going to tell me. He says I was kind of down today. I was like down (in my mind) when is he ever down it is always me and never him and now I am doing good and he isn't?. Then he said I had 3 people in different stores on line say Happy Father's Day to me and he said "I am unfortunately not a father" and I can tell it bothered him. He then asked me if I thought he would ever be a father and told him of course. Then I can tell he knew I was concerned so he said lets watch the movie then he hugged me and held me in his arms. I felt really bad. I never knew it effected him that much. I know he doesn't like to talk about it with me or anyone he always says everything is fine and this time he actually admitted it. I think he was doing the same thing I was and trying to keep busy but for a different reason then me. Right now he decided to go golfing with one of his childhood friends Jimmy I think so he wouldn't think about stuff. This week is also hard because on Tuesday June 23 is 2 years since my dad has passed. I contemplated whether I should stay home from work or not because I didn't know how I would feel but then I decided what am I going to do at home dwell. I know dad you wouldn't want me to do that so I am going to keep myself really busy that day as to not remember that day which turned out to be the worst day of my life I want it to be more happy. So I told Tim today that we are going to get a call on Tuesday with some good news. I don't know what the news is but that if we believe that 100% with out doubt then it will come true. So I told him to believe that this is going to happen and we are going to have something to look forward to rather then not. I heard about this one book "The Secret" and there is movie for it too that tells you how to be positive and if you believe it and see it in your bind with out any negative thoughts it would come true I figured what do I have to loose so I am thinking that way about Tuesday some good is going to come out of that day.
As for this blog I think I should and hope to have answer to what I am going to do tomorrow but I wanted to share this and I didn't get a chance to do anything yet. Hope all is well with all of you and no, there is not news or anything going on with the adoption. Hopefully I will get my happy ending on Tuesday when I am thinking my thoughts and trying to see it come true. Till then talk to you all soon.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry that fathers day was a downer this year =(