Thursday, February 26, 2009
I am working from home today and I am so lazy. I just don't feel like doing anything today. I did my work but then I just wanted to sleep I am not sure why. Well I don't have much to write about about the adoption because we are just waiting. Everyday is another day we pray we get that call that we will be parents to a child which is exciting and what keeps us going right now. So we are just waiting and hoping. I will tell you when something changes.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I am trying really hard to be positive. Everyday I say maybe today will be the day that changes my life forever and my agency will call to say we were match with a birth mom. Or maybe today will be the day that I get an e-mail that someone maybe interested in us. It makes me smile to see all these babies and children on these blogs, I keep thinking one day that will be me taking millions of pictures of my little ones and wanting to show them off to the world. It gets hard some days to stay positive and we say will this ever happen for us? I know it will. It just feels like forever that we have been trying to have a family. I just want to be happy. I can't wait to be a mom. I was born to be a mom. I love kids and I just want to be there for them always and be at all of there activities what ever sports, what ever school parties, there bake sales and there field trips I can't wait to do it all with them. I already stand on the sidelines and cheer on my husband in the winter for his dodge ball league, in the spring for basketball and in the summer and fall for his softball. I am his biggest fan. He always tells me what am I talking about I have a child and it is him. I couldn't agree more with him. But I try to explain in a funny sense you need me but you could if you tried to do it yourself were children look up to you for help and guidance. That means a lot to gain a child's respect for a parent and for me to respect them and little people. Thanks for listening and letting me get this out it feels a lot better to express my feelings.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Well if you reed my profile you would see that I am very excited to become a mom through adoption. I am new to this whole blogging thing but I hope to get use to it. I know I am young at 28 and I hear that all the time but My husband and I have been together since I was 18 years old and we got married when I was 23 years old. Every year we go on vacation, usually on a cruise and see a bunch of tropical islands. This is because we live in the cold state of Michigan. My husband and I have gone places we wanted to go we experienced a lot together and have done things we always wanted to do. We have careers and all we have left to complete our lives is a family. With just the two of us it is just a couple but with a child in our lives I feel like we transition into family. We wanted to have a baby not long after we were married we started trying. It didn't work so we went to my OB who sees nothing wrong so he sends us the the infertility specialist. We did it all with her. Now I am frightened beyond imaginable with needles. I wanted a baby really bad so I had to suck it up and try. We did the clomid and this other medication, we did shots, we did artificial she checked my tubes we did it all and she didn't see anything wrong and didn't know why I couldn't get pregnant with assistance so she suggested that we do in-vetro because there was not anything else to try to do we did it so we went forth with in-vetro. We had 8 eggs total come out of it and 2 were not good eggs that we couldn't use so the first time they only put in 2 eggs because of my age. That didn't take I was devastated to say the least. I still had 4 frozen eggs. so we did another cycle and 1 egg after the thaw was not good so I had 3 left that they put in and that didn't take. Let me say I hear women all the time talk about that they went through in-vetro like it was a walk in the park. Let me tell you the emotional roller coaster you are on with all those shots, and increased hormones, and blood work, and being put under to retrieve the eggs, and having them put in, and having to wait two weeks to see if it took felt like eternity. After it didn't work the second time I know I was done. I wanted to feel normal again and I still wanted a family more than anything. I then went on some website that said children waiting to be adopted. There were so many children it was sad. I looked up some adoption agencies and I am going through social services which helps birth mothers through there pregnancy with no cost to them they do what they can for the mother it seems like a great place for a mother that is pregnant. They counsel them and make sure they feel good about there decision whether to keep the child or give the child up to adoption they show our profiles to these women and I was happy to be part of social services. It didn't just feel like another agency that just takes the baby from mom, they actually want to make sure everything is alright and they care. This made me feel good. We completed our home study and made a profile for moms to look at the agency and are now waiting to hear the news. People always say you have time your young, but age is just a number. I don't feel like I am 28 and there are children being mothers at 15 years old and I am 13 years older then them. I hear it from my co-workers and my agency and people that know I am adopting but I didn't wait till I was 35 to have kids, or wait for my career and I think people when they think of adoption they think of someone 35 or older. Family was always important to me and an added bonus is I have a career and I am very ambitious and I know what I want and I go after it. I don't just sit on a side lines because I feel it won't just fall into your lap if you want something bad enough fight for it. Show you want it. That is how my husband and I have come so far. In vetro and adoption is costly especially when you do it all in one year. The hardest part is watching your friends around you have baby's in there first try and it has been years for us and we don't have anything to show for it. You want to be happy for those friends but it is hard when you hear them complain about how fat they are going to get, or about how they can't drink, or how they can't do stuff like they use to because they are pregnant, when I would give anything to have a child in our lives whether it was being pregnant or adopting. What I want to hear from my pregnant friends is that they can't wait until the day they see there precious child or them saying I wonder what they will look like, or I can't wait to hold my baby and touch there little hands and feet for the first time. Those things is what would make me feel happy for them because I would feel that they really want it. When they complain about all that stuff it feels like it is being pushed in my face when I want to hear is their positives that they will go through with the baby. But like people tell me maybe they don't realize it but when they have heard my story for them to say negative stuff about being pregnant is hurtful and didn't think one bit about how I would be feeling. When I talk to them I want to hear about the baby not about how miserable they are feeling all the time. I would give anything to have a baby. So these are just somethings that are the ups and downs of life. One thing I always hear is how is the adoption going and it stinks because I don't think people understand how long it can take. I just keep saying still waiting and I always hear it will be worth all of this in the end. I know it will. Deep down I know when I am holding that child my mind will erase all that has gone on and my focus and attention will go to this child. Whether the child is and infant or 4 years old and I want a family to call my own. My husband and I both say that is what is lacking. My husband and I always said 2 children. We can't wait to hear the sounds of them giggling in the house or playing with the toys. These things when you go through this whole process the small things that people who have kids take for granted becomes very exciting and wonderful for us. Well I think I have said my peace and got out what I needed to get out today. Until next time hope to hear from people on feed back or if you know anyone who is having a baby and is thinking of adoption or who can't handle the child they currently have in this economy please let them know the people who would love to take care of that child. Thanks for listening.