At a stand still

Well not much going on over here. I e-mailed my social worker to find out what ever happened with those two women who came in 3 weeks ago and that were interested in adopting. She wrote me back yesterday to say that one they had not heard back from and the other she said was having a lot of morning sickness and said she would think about things and maybe get back to them later in the pregnancy. So that good new that I thought would come about and share it is now like I am back to square one with no leads of possibilities. It is kind of discouraging and disappointing because even if those moms did follow through with the adoption and choose someone else I would feel like we at least had a chance and were that much closer. :( What can you do though but hope and pray that we can have our dream to become parents soon. We posted all those fliers like 2 months ago and I have not received one e-mail from anyone. I posted them in 4 colleges. I thought there would be maybe one person that would call or even check the blog just to see who I was or anything and I have not heard a thing. My mother in law this past week has brought up surrogacy and I am trying to explain that it is expensive not to mention I would have to do the in vetro all over again which was a night mare. On top of all that you hear those hora stories. I am trying to be patient but patients gets worn thin after a while. I am young and would never have imagined that I would be going through all these issues at such a young age. I know it is not my fault as people tell me but I always think what did I eat when I was younger that could have caused this issue or what could I have done. Did I do anything were I fell hard. All these I guess silly questions go through my mind of what could I have done better or am I that bad of a human being. There are people like Nadia Suleman that has 14 children and she doesn't even give them the love and attention they deserve she flaunts them to the camera like a circus and it makes me think why would god give a women that is so unstable and unable to take care of her children 14 children when all I am asking for is 1 and I would love them to death. It makes me sad and how selfish people are. Don't get me wrong every child is a blessing but 14 children and she tried after her 6th to have more. Those eggs could have been donated to someone who had trouble getting pregnant or she could have had the babies and thought of adoption. I was at the grocery store today and this women came in she had 5 children all under the age that I would say 7. I was going down the isle and I saw this child's hat on the floor so I picked it up and put it by my purse until I found someone who worked there in one of the isles as I approached the next isle I saw this mom yelling and screaming and embarrassing this child that was maybe 4 or 5 about her hat and where did she put it and why does she do this to her and that the child drives her crazy and better find the hat or else. As I was hearing this I was coming up to the little girl to give her the hat and the mom said where did you find that hat and I explained the isle over and she grabbed her child by the hand to bring her over there as she left her oldest child that couldn't have been over the age of 7 to watch the other 2 little kids and one infant. She never said thank you and I couldn't believe my eyes. I never saw her physically harm her but the verbal abuse to me was enough. When I got in line shore enough she was 2 carts in front of me still yelling at her kids as she is trying to pay in food stamps while she had clothes for herself in the wagon with maybe 10 things of groceries and they kids I thought were not clean. Come on where is the fairness of that. That is probably why I wrote on my blog today out of frustration. I was just looking at those kids like I wish I could help I wish I could show those kids what a real mom is. Now I know I am not this mom and I don't know her circumstance but 5 kids that are dirty and you leave a young child to watch all the other kids while you show a 5 or 6 year old where she left her hat. That to me was just unbelievable. How fair is that, although I know life isn't fair and that was not the smartest statement. Thank you for lsitening to me vent a bit. I try to be postitive but some days are harder then others and I think today my emotions were pushed over the edge. Thanks for listenign though.