Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I don't know why that is but it is hard on the holidays. I was missing my dad on Easter and all I kept thinking was if I had a baby I would be dressing them up in cute close and going to church together and going to grandma's. It was hard. I have been doing okay with my ambition that my day will come where I will have a baby but yesterday I just crumbled. I just felt like it was never going to happen. I know it will but I just felt defeated. I go to work everyone asking how my Easter was and we went to my in-laws house but it just felt like any other day and I felt that void in my heart and a little bit of anger about my infertility. I really haven't had anger over infertility I just always said it is what it is and I really didn't want to go through the infertility my husband did and I wantedto adopt. I knew he wouldn't go into adoption whole heatedly without us trying infertility so I did it and now I feel like I am paying for it. My body has not been the same and it has just been ruff. I told my husband it is horrible. I am young and I already feel like I am falling apart. I just need to refuel my batteries and get back on my positive track. Just some days I vear off course but I will try to turn it around.